In the name of Allah the Merciful, the Compassionate.
Praise is to Allah and prayers and peace are upon our master Muhammad the Messenger of Allah.
Before answering the question, we must mention the rule and issues determined in our religion and clarify them:
1. Allah SWT created the human being, honored him, and preferred him over many of His creations. Allah SWT said: “And We have certainly honored the children of Adam and carried them on the land and sea and provided for them of the good things and preferred them over much of what We have created, with [definite] preference.” (Al-Israa: 70)
2. Allah has created us in order to worship Him. The principal objective of our existence in this life is worshiping Allah solely: “And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me.” (Al-Thariyat: 56)
3. To Allah belongs the affair entirely and the decision is only for Allah and His Messenger not to anybody else:
“Unquestionably, His is the creation and the command.” (Al-Aaraf: 54). “He has ordained for you of religion what He enjoined upon Noah and that which We have revealed to you, [O Muhammad] and what We enjoined upon Abraham and Moses and Jesus – to establish the religion and not be divided therein.” (Al-Shoura: 3) “Indeed, Allah ordains what He intends.” (AL-Ma’edah: 1) “And Allah decides; there is no adjuster of His decision.” (Al-Raad: 41)
4. Nobody should ask Allah why He mandated His provisions: “He is not questioned about what He does, but they will be questioned.” (Al Anbiyaa: 23) The legitimate question is to know His provisions and to follow them.
5. We worship Allah as He commanded, not as we like. Therefore, Allah blamed those who follow their whims:
“Have you seen he who has taken as his god his [own] desire, and Allah has sent him astray due to knowledge and has set a seal upon his hearing and his heart and put over his vision a veil? So who will guide him after Allah? Then will you not be reminded? (Al Jathiyah: 23) “So is he who is on clear evidence from his Lord like him to whom the evil of his work has been made attractive and they follow their [own] desires?” (Muhammad: 14) The Prophet (pbuh) said: “None of you will be a believer unless his desire follows what has been revealed to me.”
6. All the provisions of Allah are impartial: “Does He who created not know, while He is the Subtle, the Acquainted?” (Al-Molk: 14) So, Allah has created us and He knows what is good for us in the past, present, and future. He SWT said: “This day I have perfected for you your religion and completed My favor upon you and have approved for you Islam as religion.” (Al-Ma’edah: 3)
He SWT also said: “But no, by your Lord, they will not [truly] believe until they make you, [O Muhammad], judge concerning that over which they dispute among themselves and then find within themselves no discomfort from what you have judged and submit in[full, willing] submission.” (Al-Nisaa: 65)
7. Among Allah’s provisions in the Qur’an is that He commanded families to raise their children according to good manners and protect them from the Hell Fire: “O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [appointed] angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded.” (Al-Tahreem: 6)
8. Allah blamed the people of ignorance (pre-Islam Arabs) for their treatment of their daughters, defending the girls and putting them in a high position. He SWT said in the holy Qur’an: “And when one of them is informed of [the birth of] a female, his face becomes dark, and he suppresses grief.” (Al-Nahl: 58) Allah also defended the girls whose fathers buried them alive: “And when the girl who was buried alive is asked for what sin she was killed.” (Al Takweer: 8-9)
9. Amomg Allah’a provision in the Qur’an is that He prohibited the marriage of a Muslim woman to a Non-Muslim. He SWT said: “And do not marry polytheistic men [to your women] until they believe. And a believing slave is better than a polytheist, even though he might please you.” (Al Baqarah: 221) Allah SWT also said about the wives who embraced Islam and migrated from Makkah to Al-Madinah while their non-believing husbands stayed in Makkah: “… then do not return them to the disbelievers; they are not lawful [wives] for them, nor are they lawful [husbands] for them.” (Al-Momtahanah: 10) In the same ayah, Allah SWT said: “And hold not to marriage bonds with disbelieving women,” so the non-Muslim has no marriage bond with a Muslim woman.”
10. The Shari’ah prohibited a man and a woman to be alone without a “mahram” and prohibited any suspected relationship between them even if they both are Muslims: “But do not promise them secretly except for saying a proper saying.” (Al-Baqarah: 235). In this respect, the Prophet (pbuh) said “Whenever a man and a woman become alone, the devil will be their third companion.”
Based on these rules and fundamentals, we say to the asking sister:
First: May Allah mitigate the bitterness of your pain and the mistreatment of your father; I ask Him (SWT) to guide your father to righteousness and good treatment of you and your sisters if he has daughters living with him.
Second: If a father does not meet his responsibility toward his sons and daughters and mistreated them, he will be responsible in front of Allah since Allah advised fathers to treat them well: “Allah instructs you concerning your children …” (Al-Nisaa: 11) The Prophet (pbuh) also said: “It is too sinful for one to waste his dependents” meaning his children, so he will suffer the consequences of his violence and extremism in treating his children.
Third: Whatever a father makes mistakes and mistreats his children; they should not mistreat their parents or deny them. However, they can avoid their parents’ violence using correct methods.
Fourth: If the parents make a mistake, this is not a justification for the children to seek a forbidden way in solving this problem such as a Muslim woman marrying a non-Muslim man.
Fifth: If the non-Muslim man that you know a gentle one, it does not mean that among the Muslim community there are no gentle men like him or may be better.
Sixth: You asked me about the fairness in the marriage of a Muslim man to a non-Muslim woman while the Muslim woman is prohibited from marrying a non-Muslim man. There is no doubt that all Allah’s provisions are fair and carry wisdom and public interest whether we know it or not. A Muslim man is allowed to marry a Jewish or Christian woman only and not any other religion or belief, so if the Jewish woman honors Mousa (Moses) and the Christian woman honors Eisa (Jesus), a Muslim husband honors the two prophets too. On the other hand, a non-Muslim husband does not admit the prophet hood of Muhammad (pbuh). Over time, this situation will lead to dispute between the husband and wife. Whatever you say that he is most kind and caring, nobody guarantees the future and perhaps he will change his behavior and any people do change. Islam wants to protect the Muslim woman’s belief and her feelings by taking her away from these attractions and crises.
I would like to thank you for your willingness to learn these provisions; this is your right upon us, and it is also your right upon us to clarify Allah’s provisions with evidence, wisdom and nice advice. Finally, I ask Allah SWT to help you understand the truth, guide you to righteousness and guide your father to treat you in a good way. I ask Him to compensate you with a pious Muslim man who can help you forget this emotional relationship with a non-Muslim so that you can establish a Muslim home and a happy family in this challenging country. Know that Allah is your protector. Excellent is the protector, and Excellent is the helper.
Bassam Ibrahim Obeid
November 26, 2014
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